me and paul had it out last night i just let everything thats going on in my head sorta out in one blow for him.. let him know how much it hurts not to have him with me.. and i dunno what to do anymore.. i constantly think of ways not to feel like i have a broken heart every time i'm not with him.. i'm on the razors edge recently and i blow up at EVERYONE i hate it with a passion.. its pissing off my entire family and i don't know what to do cause like i said its like a huge circle of things that are causing me to be like this recently.. a huge part of that is constantly feeling like this..

it almost feels like if we were to end it i'd hurt and he'd be like god finally why did i put myself through that anyways.. and he'd hurt a lil bit but then nothing ya know.. and then there i would be barley making it by.. almost impossible for me to get up in the morning.. see i've litterally thought of just about everything.. everyone around me just says well why doesn't one of you move to wear the other is.. nice thought and all.. i kinda dislike where he lives.. and he doesn't wanna make that sort of commitment yet.. so thats a screw over ehh.. i dunno

and all last night while me and paul were just sorta letting it out.. justin stevenson was talking to me.. and trying to make me smile.. he was like showing me his idea for beer and telling me stupid shit and corny pick up lines.. just trying to be a good friend.. and i never really acknowledge how much that means to me.. but it does mean a lot and justin if you read this (which you probably don't) thank you for being there.. but kids i gotta get ready for work and get my butt there so talk to you later..